'Talking With Quinoa' - Extended Episode Log
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The following is an extended log of "Talking With Quinoa" episodes broadcasted from Object 77. Additional notes will be added as necessary. Please note that these logs are in no particular order.

Transcript 9:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 191 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Current events, let's talk about current events. Apparently, the world's going to end in 1689! Heh, boy, sure hope none of you have any loved ones left! I don't. I don't love anything… except for my audience! Gotcha! Enjoy the end of the world, everybody! Follow your heart!"

Transcript 10:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 266 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Today, we'll be opening fan mail! At least I think it's fan mail. There were boxes outside the studio and they were marked with some letters that probably spelled out 'Quinoa' in another language and now they're inside the studio with me!

[There's a sound of a cardboard box being brutally torn in half.]

"This is just a bunch of broken glass in a box and a note with words I don't think I'm allowed to say on air."

[Quinoa pauses for several seconds.]

"I love it! Thank you so much for your mail, everyone! I have no idea how you found my address. Follow your heart!"

Transcript 11:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 330 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Do we really need all those elements on the periodic table? I mean, some of them are probably important—I never leave the house without my trusty brick of iridium—but all 118? That seems excessive. We should cut it down to, like, 8 or something. Send the rest of those pesky 'building blocks of the universe' back into the ether where they belong! Follow your heart, everybody!"

Transcript 12:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 142 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' What do you guys think about sand? I, for one, am a huge fan. A sand fan, if you will! The mainstream media is so busy talking about 'politics' and 'news' and all that other mumbo jumbo, and nobody entertains the thought that maybe we should really be discussing what really matters. And what really matters to me is sand!"

[Quinoa's voice sounds like he's talking with his mouth full.]

"Man, I think we got a lot done today. Good episode! Follow your heart!"

Transcript 13:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 61 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Sorry to get all personal, but I had the worst experience on my way here. I was talking to my buddy, and he told me that it said 'gullible' on the ceiling. So I looked, because I was curious as to why somebody would put that specific word there, and I couldn't see it! I looked and looked, but it just didn't say 'gullible' on the ceiling! I gave up after a couple hours, but when I turned to ask my friend where he saw it, he was gone! I feel so silly… if any of you find it, let me know. Follow your heart!"

Transcript 14:
"HELLO AND WELCOME TO EPISODE 159 OF 'TALKING WITH QUINOA.' BEE. THERE'S A BEE IN THE STUDIO AND IT'S REALLY BIG AND THERE'S A BEE IN THE STUDIO. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT GOT IN HERE BUT IT'S HERE AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT AND SWEET MERCIFUL LORD ABOVE GET AWAY FROM ME— [screaming] —FOLLOW YOUR HEART—"

[The broadcast ends immediately after.]

Transcript 15:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 327 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Who's in the mood for some more fan mail? Today we have a letter from… Tommy, age 10! Let's see what it says…"

[There's a sound of paper being torn to shreds.]

"Wow, this is some awful handwriting! 'Dear Quinoa—' hey, that's me! '—have you ever considered being thrown into a turbine?' Well, Tommy, can't say I have, but it certainly sounds exciting! Maybe I'll try it this weekend and I'll tell you my thoughts next episode. Thanks again for your mail, everybody! Follow your heart!"

Transcript 16:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 146 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Hey, liberals! I have a question for you. Why is it that you claim to love the environment, but when I start talking about eating sand, you're all like 'No no, you can't do that, that isn't what we meant.' Then what do you mean, liberals? Checkmate. Oh, also, liberals, I have another question for you. What's a liberal? Double checkmate. Follow your heart."

Transcript 17:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 83 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Have any of you tried meditating? My friends always talk about it, and how it clears their heads. I'd say my head's pretty darn clear already, so I don't really see a point to it. All my thoughts are nice and neatly organized like a meat processor! Ha."

"Meditating feels weird to me anyway, to be honest with you. Every time I do it, the world just disappears. Then I open my eyes and everything's back again! Anyway, follow your heart!"

Transcript 18:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 350 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' What's the deal with the afterlife, huh? What do you think happens when we die? I think we float up into the morning sky, slicing gracefully through the heavens like a pigeon spreading its wings for the very last time, until we finally reach the Biggest Cloud, who turns us into clouds. Then we float around until we turn into rain! I think it's a pretty sound theory. I mean, if that's not the objective truth, then where do all of those clouds come from? I certainly can't think of another possible explanation for that. Enjoy the rest of your natural life, everybody! Follow your heart!"

Transcript 19:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 5 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' The next two months are gonna be busy for us! I just can’t help having so many amazing ideas! If only there was some way for me to remember them so I could use them for the show… like, just yesterday, I was thinking about this idea I had… it was a really good idea… what an idea it was! Such a good one. Let me see if I can remember it…

[Quinoa pauses for around four seconds.]

"Oh yeah. That was a good one. A great one, even. Follow your heart!"

Transcript 20:
"Boo! Did I scare you? Welcome to episode 31 of 'Talking With Quinoa—' I mean, 'Talking With Dracula!' It’s so spooky! The show is so spooky today! Please, someone, stop the spooks! Ah, I’m just messing with you guys. It’s not really Dracula. It’s me, Quinoa! And today, let’s read a tarot card! …The Ten of Swords! Ooh, very scary! No clue what it means, though. Follow your spooky heart!"

Transcript 21:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 378 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Sorry if the audio is a little muffled, I encased the whole studio in a block of cement just to see what would happen and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's really bugging me!"

[There's a sound of something dense and metallic clattering to the floor.]

"Ooh, a conveniently-placed sledgehammer! Hold on, guys, I'll just be a second. Follow your heart!"

[The sounds of incredible sledgehammer-based violence can be heard for 20 seconds until the broadcast ends.]

Transcript 22:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 404 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Do you think we're all here for a reason? Do you think destiny is, like, a thing? Without getting too introspective, I like to think everybody's got some sort of vague plan laid out for them to some extent. Like, you can kind of play in the space and figure stuff out for yourself and make mistakes, but you're gonna cover the same bases at some point. It's kind of comforting to believe that everything happens for a reason. Except for me. I am the cruel joke of an elder god with too much free time and a terrible sense of humor! Follow your heart!"

Transcript 23:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 405 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' So I was on my way to the studio, and I had this funny thought. What if—"

[Quinoa goes quiet for 5 seconds.]

"Actually, you know what? No. Not today."

[Episode ends abruptly.]

Transcript 24:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 406 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' What's your favorite food? I don't really know what mine is. I think it could be eggs, or it could be sand. Maybe it's eggs with sand. That sounds nice."

[There's a long pause.]

"…I think that's probably good enough! Follow your heart!"

Transcript 25:
"Hello, and welcome to episode 410 of 'Talking With Quinoa.' Do you ever feel like a joke just goes on for too long? Like, it should have ended a really long time ago?"

[Another very long pause.]

"Oh my god, guys. Breaking news. Apparently there's this thing called 'sandpaper.' Holy shit. Follow your heart!"


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