The Backrooms Wiki

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Forum » Meta / Per page discussions » The Pillar Scripture

Started by: Wikidot
Date: 09 Jul 2023 15:06
Number of posts: 8

RSS: New posts

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Pillar Scripture.

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Spectre48 09 Jul 2023 15:12

For a page this meta, it feels a bit… sloppy and rushed. The first page is a fuckin banger, good stuff there

But the second page… I think it could have used a lot more time in the cooker. The pacing in the tale is fine and then it just beats you over the head with the ending. This tale definitely can work, but I don’t think its current form is the best.

What would I do to improve it?

I think that adding another page in between pages 1 and 2 as a more concise transition for the spicy ending would make it a lot more palatable.

Last edited on 09 Jul 2023 15:14 by Spectre48 Show more

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Spectre48, 09 Jul 2023 15:12

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TheGameOwl11 09 Jul 2023 15:25

The first part is perfectly fine, albeit the writing is a tad pretentious. You did go trough several attempts at length to justify why the scribe writes the way they do, but that doesn’t mean I like it or don’t have other ideas. I’ll show you what I had in mind when I get to my 58 rewrite. As for the metafictional bit, I completely agree with spec. It feels a tad on the nose and I would have preferred that the transition was a bit smoother instead of just bashing you over the head. I have ideas for how to handle this stuff that I will reveal in due time since I plan to execute it in my own writing. Best of luck documenting these mfs Mickey.

Last edited on 15 Oct 2023 17:09 by TheGameOwl11 Show more

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TheGameOwl11, 09 Jul 2023 15:25

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scutoid studios 09 Jul 2023 17:26

the metafiction is on the nose, but that's totally the point. the phrase "keep writing" is, to me, a pretty good idea for a way to transition between the two pages.

i generally really like the way you're going with this.

~ scutoid (backrooms wikidot mod, backrooms fandom admin.)

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scutoid studios, 09 Jul 2023 17:26

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ForestIsWatching 09 Jul 2023 18:55

I just don't see the purpose behind metanarrative here. I can see the desperation of this scribe in writing this, but A) it does quite a bad job at introducing the explanation, B) the explanation itself relies on the absoluteness of these Pillars. I understand a bit of redundancy to give an idea of emotion, but it's continued for so many pargraphs that my first instinct is to ask — where is this ending up, exactly? As I reach its end, the offset is inconclusive. There is, of course, another offset for a reason. Fine. But it also so much relies on one idea only — that of the fact that the scribe must obey whether they like it or not, and that they have no control over it.

The "NO." at the end of the first offset feels too sudden. You then opt to justify the writing style in the second offset; again, why do this? While doing that, many characters appear suddenly. Again, what is this trying to convey?

Things executed well enough:

The introduction of what a concept is as a way to explain what the Pillars are.
Explaning how a concept becomes a Pillar.
Mentioning the lack of a true form without sounding too cliché, since it felt relevant to the paragraph.

TL;DR: The two offsets explain redundantly one concept each. Metanarrative is quite rushed. Some characters just leave the reader asking why they appeared since they interfered so briefely. There was still a decent explanation of the concept of a Pillar. Strange but not inherently bad concept, questionable execution.

Edit: the article has been edited. This post doesn't apply fully. Changed from downvote to no-vote just in case.

Please mind the Forest.

Last edited on 16 Jul 2023 13:04 by ForestIsWatching Show more

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ForestIsWatching, 09 Jul 2023 18:55

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