https://sandbox-2.en.backrooms-wiki.ru/pastedsmiles-4-ig
I am SUPER pumped!
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https://sandbox-2.en.backrooms-wiki.ru/pastedsmiles-4-ig
I am SUPER pumped!
IGNORE
I need crit, please.
Hello.
Can i help you ?
Do you think you could critique my level, please? I would really love that!
Well.
I'm a bit busy for now.
But, i'll gladly review it tonight or sooner.
Thank you, MisterNemu!
Well.
After having read, i noticed that:
-Style, tone, graphics, images are GOOD.
-Concept is interesting and original.
Yet, i can see many points of improvements:
-First and foremost, M. Slitherman (excellent image by the way) seems to punish bad Wanderers. *The only way to enter is to be a bad Wanderer.*
Thus, what is his morality framework ?
As this is the backrooms, this can be completely anomalous and arbitrary.
-*Your sanity will decrease* Well, sanity is limited in his possibilities, but not really insanity. It can be way more interesting to define, precise what is the insanity you're talking about. You can even use visual writing to reinforce the effects.
-*you'll be exactly the same as everyone else in Infiniway.*
*for punishment will come quickly.*
All of this is vague, thus dampening the menace effect.
A menace can be unclear, but you should at least be aware of what this is.
Another way to go is to suggest this, by example with scattered clues.
-Entrance
I think we're missing a huge opportunity here.
The only questions i will ask are:
How entrance happen?
And how to use this to reflect the dangerosity of M. Slitherman?
Can this be avoided?
Can the person think this can be avoided regardless of being able to be avoided or not ?
For now,
This is it.
Glad to help,
MisterNemu.
每一篇文章都是好的,我也是一个来自中国的学生,但是我不是很建议写这种带有一点点报复性色彩的学校文章,显得有一点点小家子气,或许你可以稍加修改,实体那一部分别写老师,我的英语不是很好,可能引发歧义或误会,见谅了
translate:Every article is good. I am also a student from China, but I am not very recommended to write this school article with a little bit of revenge color. It seems a little petty. Maybe you can modify it a little. The real one is written separately for teachers. My English is not very good, which may cause ambiguity or misunderstanding. Sorry
我思故我在