Concept:
The concept here is pretty nice, though I will say I like your execution of the concept far more than I like the concept itself. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the concept thoroughly though. I like your exploration of Blanche while simultaneously exploring the Terminus in so few lines of prose. I also enjoyed your idea of making it sort of like a diary entry and including just enough of more archaic words for it to feel more mature, melancholic, and longing. Done wrong, that can appear cheesy or overused, however I enjoyed your choice of vocabulary here quite a bit. It also feels nice to hear a description from someone who encountered the entity outside of an MEG interview log. It feels less professional and more natural with both how it’s written and the way it’s described.
Execution:
The execution here was phenomenal. As mentioned earlier, your choice of vocabulary was quite nice. The pacing was also pretty solid and didn’t feel rushed or drawn out in any sense. Your font choice was also nice for immersion into the idea that this was written by someone in a diary of some sort. The hint of unsettledness that you feel during the initial description is actually very good. I also enjoyed the prose structure here and natural you made it feel. Not once was my immersion broken due to the dialogue, which was a clear sign that you did a good job. Something I think you could have done a little better was distinguishing the whether you’re describing Blanche/906 and The Terminus itself. There were one or two points where I had to think for a moment of which one was being described after her mention because both are eldritch beings with abominable forms, so it did throw off the flow ever so slightly, but nothing detrimental to the article itself. Additionally, the ending could have probably been executed a bit better. How does the author know his name his Terminus? It does kind of come off in a “trust me bro” type way. If you wanted to go unsettling, it may have been cooler to say something along the lines of like “he told me himself” or “that name is one I cannot stop hearing in my dreams since the day I gazed upon him” or something like that.
Did I enjoy reading this?
Yes
Final Verdict
This is an example of a format screw done right. It’s not cheesy, it’s not a ripoff of something already done, and it’s greatly executed. Wonderful prose, short but sweet, great pacing, and lovely vocabulary — minus the SPAG errors of course.
+1