Blancherooms Supplementary Interview Logs

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This page catalogues interviews with the various entities that can be found in The Blancherooms. Wanderers are encouraged to add their own interviews to this page.

Entity Name: Blanache

Blanache appears very similar to 20th-century Polish mathematician Stefan Banach, but with the hairstyle and dress of Blanche.

Interviewer: Lucy Beckley
Interviewed: Blanache


[Blanache is found carefully measuring the angles of a triangle made from a piece of rope tied to three chairs around the room]

Blanache: 176 degrees, how interesting… I can't wait to show this to Planche!

Lucy Beckley: Hi Blanache, can I ask you some questions?

Blanache: Of course, dear.

Lucy Beckley: What can you tell me about this place?

Blanache: Ah, a much more complex question than it seems, I'm afraid. The topology here is wonderfully complicated. For example, if you walk 20 meters east from here and then go through the door on your left, you'll end up in the same room you would get to if you walk half a kilometer south.

Lucy Beckley: Topology?

Blanache: Topology is simply the shape of the universe. Unfortunately— or perhaps fortunately, the shape of the universe here is not as simple as it seems. I would imagine it's a little hard to visualize, but I'll try to help you out.

[Blanache pulls out a cup]

Blanache: Visualize a tiny ant walking on the surface of this teacup. The ant doesn't know that it's on a teacup; all it sees is an enormous white plane stretching far into the distance. We can only clearly see that it's a teacup because we're looking at it from the outside. If the ant crawls across the lip of the teacup from the inside to the outside, its universe is curving in an entirely different dimension, but it barely notices because, at its scale, the curve is so small.

[Blanache pauses]

Blanache: If we imagine there's one ant in the bottom of the teacup on the inside and one ant in the bottom of the teacup on the outside, to them they are miles away from each other. To them, the shortest way across is to climb all the way up the cup and then down it to reach the other side, but we know that's not true. We can clearly see that they are less than a centimeter away from each other, but the only way they can actually cross that centimeter gap is if we drilled a hole in the teacup. That is to say, we drilled a hole in the very fabric of their reality.

[Blanache pauses]

Blanache: This place is like the teacup, but it's a teacup made of clay that's constantly molding and re-molding; drilling holes and blocking them back up. The only reason we don't notice is because we're merely ants walking along the surface.

<End Log>

Entity Name: Bananananche

Banananache takes the form of a young woman whose features, hair length, and style are all strikingly similar to Blanche's, except for the fact that her eyes, hair color, and makeup all consist of a yellow to green color scheme. Instead of a dress, she bears a comically large banana costume, rendering it slightly difficult for her to walk.

Interviewer: Denver Michaelson
Interviewed: Bananananche


<Begin Log>

[Bananananche can be seen walking (or rather, dragging her feet) along the bookshelves.]

Michaelson: Uh… hello there.

[She turns to look at Michaelson, with glee and a bowl of banana pudding in her hands.]

Bananananche: Well howdy! How are ya? You hungry, here, have this, I always find these here things very appealing.

[Bananananche proceeds to plop the bowl into Michaelson's hands, before dropping down, giggling and seemingly going through the floor, only to end up in another section of the library nearby—leaving a puddle of banana pudding behind. Michaelson finds her again within a few minutes.]

Michaelson: Uhm, Ms. Banananache—

Bananananche: Yes dear? What's wrong? You don't peel like these puns are very funny for ya?

[Michaelson hesitantly puts the bowl on the shelf to continue the interview.]

Michaelson: Uh—no ma'am— all funny to me. But uh- is- is there anything you can tell me about this place? How you- uh- how you came here, perhaps?

[Bananananche shrugs.]

Banananache: Not much. Things just seemed sorta… eh, nuts when I came by, y'know? Like coming from the wildest party you's ever seen, then abruptly coming home n' feelin' all sorts o' empty. That kinda thang. Suppose that's what happens when you come from a dream.

Michaelson: A dream, ma'am?—

[Michaelson then slips on a banana peel, assumed to have been produced by Bananananche. She laughs uncontrollably, before promptly running away.

<End Log>

Entity Name: Brunche

Brunche is a version of Blanche who appears to be grossly overweight when compared to her normal counterpart. During all encounters with Brunche, she has been seen eating large quantities of food, which she can seemingly manifest at will. The encounter below took place after an accidental swiping of Brunch's signature by roboticist Anne Gogan, where she accidentally mistook a copy of Portugese copy of Dune as the menu for the restaurant she was eating at. During the interview, Brunche was seated at a librarian's desk with a two kilogram beef tagliata and a side-dish of iceberg lettuce in front of her.

Interviewer: Anne Gogan
Interviewed: Brunche


<Begin Log>

Anne Gogan: So… tell me, Miss… Brunche, was it?

Brunche: Yes dear, would you like something to eat with your interview? Perhaps a side of fries to go with your words?

Anne Gogan: Uh… Sure?

<Brunche promptly manifests an extra large plate of fries for Gogan, who begins to timidly snack away at them>

Anne Gogan: Right — uh, can you tell me a bit more about yourself?

Brunche: Of course! Well, you must tell me what you seek from me, yes? A comprehensive history? Some fun facts? Recipes and cooking advice?

Anne Gogan: I'll go with the first. Could you tell me a bit more about your past, so to speak?

Brunche: Well, I was borne of my mother Blunche and my other mother Breakfunche at eleven o'clock on a Tuesday. Mum always liked to go big with her food, but always kept it 'breakfast-y', you know? And my other Mum Blunche always used to tell her "You shouldn't be eating the same food over and over again in such large quantities" — see, my mother Blunche always used to eat more Sunday noon oriented foods and the such, and in lesser quantities. You could say opposites attract in this case, did you get all that?

[Gogan nods]

Anne Gogan: Yeah, go on.

[Brunche swallows a large amount of meat]

Brunche: Anyways, when I was brought into this world, I received parenting from both my parents. I eat a whole lot of non-breakfast related food, so I took a part of both of them. Safe to say that didn't go well with both of them, and they got a divorce at some point. Now my Mum Breakfunche is with her new girlfriend, Midnight Snackche, and my other mum Brunche is with her new girlfriend Dinnerche — I think they're both happier that way — and that set of events has lead me to get my job here at the archive with the other Blanches. So that's about as concise as I can get with my history.

Anne Gogan: I- right, that was- uh, yeah. Good enough.

Brunche: Is there anything else you need to ask dear? I wish to finish this tagliata before it gets cold…

Anne Gogan: Oh, right. What's your favourite food? I'd assume it's tea, or some other British stuff, right?

Brunche: Oh no, your guess was quite astray actually. I've always liked myself a good plate of dino nuggies; always hits the spot.

<End Log>


Entity Name: Susche

Susche is a version of Blanche that is always seen wearing a red spacesuit and has a halo floating over her head. Susche is a lot shorter than Blanche, and heavily resembles a crewmate character from the hit 2018 game, Among Us. Susche resides in a unique portion of the Blancherooms that resembles a small cafeteria. Susche is usually extremely skeptical of anyone she doesn’t know, and has been documented to have extreme trust issues, contrary to the regular Blanche. Susche is also typically surrounded by various clones of herself, who each wear different color spacesuits. An image of Susche and a few of her clones has been attached below, taken from Operative Lukas’s body camera.

Sus

An image of Susche

Interviewer: M.E.G. Operative Lukas Green
Interviewed: Susche


<Begin Log>

[Lukas can be seen walking into Susche’s area of the level, walking into the group of Blanches in spacesuits.]

Lukas: Hey, I’m looking for… uh… Susche? Is she here?

Susche: Why hello there, my little sussy baka… (Susche makes a purring sound with her tongue)

Lukas: Um… okay then. I came here to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?

Susche: Questions?! Why are you asking me questions?! Was I acting sus?!! Flushed emoji!

Lukas: Did… you just say “flushed emoji” out loud?

Susche: Yeah, so what?! I know those other Blanches invite you in for tea and chats, but I’m not like them! You never know who’s gonna just turn and stab you in the back. I still don’t know about you. All these questions, I don’t like it. [Susche goes to whisper with her space-suited counterparts.]

Lukas: I can assure you I have no intention of harming any of you. I’m just here to get some information about who you are, and some other details.

Susche: What do you want to know?

Lukas: Well, first off, why are you wearing a spacesuit? The oxygen levels here are fine.

Susche: That’s what they want you to think. The minute I take this off, BOOM, everyone knows what I look like. I can’t risk that.

Lukas: You realize I can see you through the glass, right?

Susche: N-No you can’t!

Lukas: Also, you told me earlier that you weren’t like the other Blanches. Wouldn’t that make you, by definition, an imposter?

[All of the Susches gasp]

Susche: EMERGENCY MEETING!

[Susche hits a small red buzzer in the middle of the table that begins lighting up and making alarm sounds. All of the Susche clones huddle together and whisper to each other.]

Lukas: W-why did you press that buzzer when you all are only a few feet apart?

[All of the Susche clones shush him loudly, and get back into their huddle. After a few minutes, they all break the huddle and face Lukas.]

Susche: All in favor of kicking out the sussy baka human, please raise your hand.

[All the clones raise their hand]

Lukas: I already told you, I’m not suspicious, I’m just here on behalf of The M.E.G.

Susche: Too late! C’mon girls, let’s eject this guy.

[The Susche clones scurry up to Lukas and attempt to push him out the door. This accomplished little to nothing, considering they were about half his size. Eventually, Lukas gives up and walks out the door. Once Lukas is out of the room, they all slam the door shut in his face.]

<End Log>


Entity Name: Blanchebeard

Blanchebeard retains the appearance of Blanche, except for the fact that she dresses in old early-18th-century pirate gear. She wears white breeches, a dark waistcoat, a long black outer coat, and a satin and leather sash. She also wears an eyepatch on one of her eyes, though both of her eyes are actually functional and she switches which eye she covers frequently.

Interviewer: Edward Teacher
Interviewed: Blanchebeard


<Begin Log>

Edward Teacher: So… [Looks at notes] …Miss Blanchebeard, care to tell me what you're doing?

[Blanchebeard promptly climbs aboard a life-size replica of French 18th-century galleon and hangs from one arm from the figurehead, which happens to be a sculpture of her face.]

Blanchebeard: Avast ye! Prepare to be boarded! [Blanchebeard proceeds to point at Teacher.]

Edward Teacher: M-Miss Blanchebeard, please get down from there! I would like to conduct an interview—

Blanchebeard: Prepare the cannons!

[A large whirring sound is heard as several side cannons become revealed at the broadside of the ship.]

[Blanchebeard pulls out a boarding pike from an undisclosed location and points it at Teacher.]

Blanchebeard: You best surrender now, and I won't force ya to walk the plank!

[Blanchebeard takes off her hat, revealing several burning fuses on top of her hair, which seems to be unaffected.]

Edward Teacher: Okay, okay! I surrender, I surrender, what do you want?

Blanchebeard: Your crackers.

Edward Teacher: My what?

Blanchebeard: The saltine crackers in your back pocket.

Edward Teacher: I-is that it? Here you go, then…

[Teacher removes the packet of saltine crackers from his pocket and throws them up to Blanchebeard, who snatches them out of the air. Blanchebeard begins to make an odd birdcall.]

Blanchebeard: Oh, Gerry! Polly want a cracker? [She continues making clicking sounds.]

[A bright green parrot that looks suspiciously similar to Entity 7 flies from underneath the sail to rest on Blanchebeard's shoulder.]

Blanchebeard: That's a good boy. Now, why don't we send this landlubber off with a little pirate cheer?

[As Teacher backs away, Blanchebeard and Gerry make a hook-like gesture with their finger/claw.]

Blanchebeard and Gerry: Arrrrrrrr, matey!

<End Log>

Entity Name: Banch

"Banch" as she calls herself is a corporeal illiterate humanoid entity resembling a poorly proportioned blanche, with scratchy skin, and huge eyes. Banch is found in nearly all areas of the backrooms though more often than not, wide open spaces. Banch is unpredictable, often hostile, and heavily damages the psyche of any who talk with her. Due to this it's best to never take the risk of approaching her. The following is the only recovered recording obtained from the aftermath of a Banch attack, as well as being a failed interview.

Interviewer: Harold Kirene
Interviewed: Banch


<Begin Log>

Harold Kirene: Hello? Is anyone there?

Banch: I read book on island. [Loud mooing can be heard in the distance.]

Harold Kirene: [He immediately loses all composure and begins to sob.] I just want to see my friends again.

Banch: I love cow. [The mooing slowly comes to a grinding halt.]

Harold Kirene: Just let me go!

Banch: Do you like car? [An engine can be heard revving from all directions.]

Harold Kirene: I'm begging you please! I just want to go home!

Banch?: Black and Yellow Nissan Juke 2010. [ A loud metal crash can be heard followed by screams of agony. After 20 minutes of silence, mooing begins to play at rapidly increasing volume, before finally stopping at 21 minutes.]

<End Log>

Entity Name: Spamtche

Spamtche appears to be a robotic replicant of Blanche. They are mostly sentient and capable of speech but on occasion experience 'errors'. They are prone to violence, especially towards people who work for organizations. As such, it is recommended you avoid them.

Interviewer: Dean Shotworth
Interviewed: Spamtche


<Begin Log>

Dean: "Are you Spamtche?"

Spamtche: "Yes- Yes! Why do you REMARK?"

Dean: "I wanted to ask you a few questions. Are you fine with that?"

Spamtche: "Okay, time to be a BIG SHOT."

[Dean stares with mild confusion.]

Dean: "What do you mean by 'big shot'?"

Spamtche: "I mean do you WANT or NEED fame? £9.33!"

Dean: "How would money make me famous?"

Spamtche: "With the help of HYPERLINK BLOCKED my friend!"

Dean: "What? What do you mean?"

Spamtche: "With SURGERY, become famous. BIG FAME!"

Dean: "What do you mean 'surgery'?"

Spamtche: "For SOUL, can make FAMOUS. BIG FAME!"

[Spamtche begins to approach Dean before pulling out a pen knife]

Dean: "Calm down! Fine, I'll buy it. How much?"

Spamtche: "SOUL! SOUL! Your SOUL! BIG SOUL! Hope!"

[Spamtche reaches towards Dean. Before gesturing towards his chest.]

Spamtche: "Give SOUL! Give SOUL!"

Dean: "What?"

[Spamtche begins to pull Dean's soul out of their body.]

Spamtche: "SOUL! SOUL! SOUL! Give SOUL!"

[Spamtche lunges onto Dean. Tearing out their soul]

Spamtche: "SOUL! Leader shall be PROUD. SOUL!"

[Spamtche wheels away.]

<End Log>

Entity Name: Noire

Noire is what appears to be a "goth" or "emo" version of Blanche. She has a dark black Nekomaid dress with heavy black eyeliner, earrings, and a necklace with a pendant on it. Her hair has been colored black, and she has brown eyes.

Interviewer: Junior researcher Mason
Interviewed: Noire


<Begin Log>

Mason: Hello, Noire! I came to ask you a few questions about yourself and where you are.

Noire: Who?

Mason: Oh, I'm sorry, I should've intro-

Noire: Asked.

Mason: …oh. Well, all I want to know is what correlation, if any, you have to Blanche.

Noire: Ugh. I hate Blanche.

[Noire bursts into tears.]

Noire: No one liked me after she came around… she took my spotlight…

Mason: Oh, I'm sorry to hea-

[Noire produces a knife from her back pocket, threatening Mason]

Noire: Get.. get out! I can't have you seeing me in a state like this…

[Mason scurries away, never to be seen again.]

<End Log>

Entity Name: Rickche

Rickche is dressed like the popular pop singer Rick Astley. She has a black dress shirt, a collared shirt, and black pants. However she has the same hairstyle and eyes of Blanche. She always has a hint of music behind her, from an unknown source. When spoken to, she always tries to rhyme, but she’s not very good at it.

Interviewer: Janice Diedre
Interviewed: Rickche


<Begin Log>

Janice: Alright, do I got it set up? Is it working? Alright, heading towards entity now.

[As Janice walks towards Rickche, music is heard from the background.]

Janice: Hello, I am M.E.G operative Janice Diedre, do you mind telling me your name?

Rickche:(while singing) We’re not strangers, not anymore. My name is Rickche. How are you, my dear?

Janice: Uh, good, I guess. What are you exactly doing?

Rickche:(singing) I know the rules of, what I do!

[Janice stays silent, apparently nodding her head.]

Rickche:(singing) I took what I was, thinking of. A full commitment is, what I wanted!

Janice: Mhm, and what makes your job special?

Rickche:(singing) I know that you may think I’m every Blanche ever, but you wouldn’t get this from any other Blanche.

Janice: Alright, I’m done here. Goodbye, Rickche.

Rickche:(singing) Waiiiit, I gotta tell you, what I’m thinking. Gotta make you, understand.

[Janice stops, waiting for Rickche to finish]

Rickche:(singing) Never gonna give you up, never gonna let y-

[Rickche is interrupted by a tape recorder to the face.]

<End Log>

Entity Name: Bleache

Bleache appears almost identical to Blanche, the differences being her skin and is completely white, and her attitude towards wanderers is the complete opposite. Instead of welcoming wanderers, she will do what she can to get rid of them.

Interviewer: Jesse Thompson
Interviewed: Bleache


<Begin Log>

Jesse: Hello, umm…

[Jesse looks at his notes.]

Jesse:Bleache is it?

[Bleache glares at Jesse from across the room.]

Bleache: What do you want?!

Jesse: Umm.. I'm here to int-

[Screaming can be heard, Bleache presumably attacking the interviewer.]

Bleache: GET OUT!

[Blurred audio can be heard as Jesse runs from the room.]

<End Log>

Entity Name: Oranche

Orange has the same appearance as Blanche but with an orangeish skin tone and more yellowed hair. She is not friendly nor hostile towards wanderers but simply aims to tick them off in any way possible, usually using tactics such as acting"cringey". Instead of being a genius, she has a narcissistic attitude and is not very bright.

Interviewer: Garfield Matteson
Interviewed: Oranche


<Begin Log>

Garfield: Hello. Judging by your skin tone, are you Oranche?

Oranche: Yeah, I am. Now get the hell out of here.

[Oranche proceeds to raise her middle finger at Garfield and stalk away.]

Garfield: Oranche, if I could please have a word with you? Only a few questions.

Oranche: Fine. What do you want to ask, stupid?

[Oranche takes a bite out of a KitKat bar from the side, waiting.]

Garfield: Why do you have these behaviors? Its like you're trying to piss me off.

Oranche: It's fun watching you suffer like this.

[Oranche begins to dab, and then spits into Garfield's face.]

Garfield: Oranche, I would really appreciate if you could stop being so rude for a second. Now, what is your purpose here in the Backrooms?

Oranche: The hell is a Backroom? I just walk around, reminding you that I'm cooler, and way better.

Garfield: Oh, okay. Final question: Why is your skintone this way? Its as if you were in a tanning bed for too long.

Oranche: I don't know. A guy told me I looked like some Donald Trump person. I bet I'm better than him.

[Oranche then exits the room on a pairs of Heelys at full speed, ending the interview.]

<End Log>


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