Ad Astronaut

rating: +18+x

Operative Segal performed one final count in Level 11. Surely, everyone should have evacuated Level 78. He checked the entire perimeter of the space station — he found scared wanderers hiding near the toilets, stuck in fetal positions, and staring out the station's windows. However, he must have been missing someone. When he counted, the number of evacuees was only 465. There were supposed to be 466.

"Damnit. That guy with the black jacket — he never…"

When he broke this news to the M.E.G., he wasn't reprimanded or anything. His superiors simply said, "Well, you can't save everyone. In this situation, 465 lives were saved. If you didn't start evacuating people, that number would've been close to zero. Don't be so hard on yourself."

However, Segal kept thinking about that guy with the black jacket. He was an aspiring rapper from Australia before no-clipping into the Backrooms, and he really wanted to become famous one day. With his trusty cap and his microphone, he frequently hosted concerts in Level 78. Granted, there were probably only two or three people in the audience, but the man didn't quit. He would achieve his dreams one way or another. Unfortunately, he was now gone.

So, what happened to "that guy with the black jacket?" Well, seems like he's currently on a collision course with Ad Astra. Point is, we don't know. We probably won't ever know. Chances are, he's dead. The gravitational forces exerted near Ad Astra are too strong. No one's surviving that.

Perhaps he's somewhere else now.

??? [in the distance]: John, are you seeing thi–

[A series of loud water splashes follow.]

??? [muffled]: –like a whole hunk of metal just fell fro–

[Static.]

[A muffled explosion can be heard.]

??? [growing quieter and more muffled]: Should we explo–

[Static.]

??? [barely audible, heavily distorted]: –came out of some portal thi–

[Static.]

??? [almost unintelligible]: –that appeared(?) [???] sky–

[Static.]

<Communications Lost…?>

??? [more clear]: John, what the hell? There's an actual person here. Looks like the ISS fell out of the sky or something.

John: Seems like it, Kent. He seems unscathed, other than the fact that he's just… floating in the water. You think we should… check on him or something?

Kent: Of course we should! I'm not going to just leave this man to die!

[A water splash can be heard.]

Kent [louder]: Call 911. I'll see what I can do with this man.

[A loud slapping sound can be heard.]

???: Fuck… where am I?

Kent: Oh thank God — you're alive. What's your name? We'll get you to safety.

???: My name's Harry.

[Harry looks around but sees nothing but a vast ocean.]

Kent: Say… what happened to you down there?

Harry: I… I don't know.

Kent: Well, let's get to shore. Maybe that'll jog up your memory.

Harry: I was on… Level 78… and—

[Harry's speech devolves into gibberish for the next 2 minutes while Kent listens intently.]

Kent: I don't know what this "Level 78" and "Backrooms" bullshit is, but whatever you're saying, it sounded like quite the adventure. Maybe it was all a dream. Whatever space you came from, you're home now… on Earth.

Harry: Wait, what?

<END LOG>

Seems like the rapper with the black jacket survived. All's well that ends well, we guess.

Of course, he didn't stop pursuing his dreams. He created a new song to chronicle his experiences within Level 78 and the subsequent collision with Ad Astra that left him in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The song was quite successful, peaking at #6 on the US Billboard Hot 100 and #4 on the Australian ARIA chart. The critics over at BackroomsReviewsMusic.com have listened to Harry's new song and given their rave reviews:

Christine_Fraizer (2 days ago):
This is hot garbage. Except… it's not hot. It's just garbage.

BackroomsReviewsMusicThrowaway43 (3 days ago):
Made an account on BackroomsReviewsMusic.com just to let you guys know this song is fucking shit.

DrTeedrop (6 days ago):
This song goes crazy! On mute.

LopsidedNuance910 (2 weeks ago):
THIS SONG IS FLAME (without the F).

TalkingWithQuinoa (1 month ago):
When I tried to conjure demons in Episode 30, this is not what I had in mind. This is way worse.

Luckily, we've retrieved a snippet of the song's lyrics to celebrate his achievements:



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