The Backrooms

I know this is hard. You are me, and I am you, so don’t worry. I know the challenges you will have to face, as I have faced them myself. If I may tell you one thing, it’s to not take what little you have for granted. I didn’t do that, and now, I must live every day of my ever-fading life with the pain of never telling mom I loved her. Never telling dad how much fun we had together. I could never tell James that he was the best brother I could ever ask for. And now, I live in the pain of regret. Don’t be like me now, so take what you have, and keep it close to you. For what you have now, will be gone someday.

This may be confusing to you now, but know, it will all make sense soon. Life is not something that you can throw away, it’s not something that you can get back once lost. I’ve learned it the hard way, but you shouldn’t have to. One day, you will be taken from all you know, and all you love, so live everyday like it’s your last, because it might as well be. You will have to travel through all these unknown places that you’ve never seen before, places that you might not even be able to comprehend. You will have to survive in the face of threats that make no comprehendible sense, you will have to fight the tears of the only ones you now know dying in your very own arms. It will be rough, but you must persist.

Life is not easy, and I know that, just like you will soon. So, be prepared for your hardships to come. As if now, you’ve entered what is called “the Backrooms”, which has different areas that are known as, “Levels”. As your life is ripped from your grasp, you will find yourself in the pale-yellow level, which is the zeroth. Do not give into insanity. Do not accept the anxiety. Do not let go of the grip of life, do not lose this last chance like me. You do not see anything; you do not hear anything. There is only you, and the rooms. At this point, the walls are key. See, the way it works here is different, almost like a videogame-or so I’ve heard, but I doubt you've heard of those. Make the most of your life and run at a wall. You will actually faze through it instead of hitting it. Don't stop here, keep going, it's not the end yet.

At this point, it’s going to get much more difficult to live in Level One. At first, you’d think it’s interesting, as everything is new to you, like a baby in awe of learning something for the first time. Embrace the awe, because it will soon become a living hell. So find help fast, or death will find you. There is this group of people, known as the “M.E.G.”, and they should be willing to help you, so accept the kindness, and return it. Find them as fast as you can because there are “entities” hunting you. Run because your life depends on it. Make your life matter. You lost your family but not your life, so take care of it. The M.E.G. will show you how to survive, but living is up to you, so put in the effort. Here is when I found my one and only companion, Joanna. You can trust her with your life, but do not take her for granted. I made a choice that might not have been the best-but this was my attempt at living my life-I went through a crack in the wall, and traveled to Level Nineteen.

I know this is hard. You are me, and I am you, so don’t worry. I know the challenges you will have to face, as I have faced them myself. If I may tell you one thing, it’s to not take what little you have for granted. I didn’t do that, and now, I must live every day of my ever-fading life with the pain of never telling mom I loved her. Never telling dad how much fun we had together. I could never tell James that he was the best brother I could ever ask for. And now, I live in the pain of regret. Don’t be like me now, so take what you have, and keep it close to you. For what you have now, will be gone someday.

This may be confusing to you now, but know, it will all make sense soon. Life is not something that you can throw away, it’s not something that you can get back once lost. I’ve learned it the hard way, but I wish I never had to. One day, you will be taken from all you know, and all you love, I regret not living every day like it was the last, because one day it was. I had to travel through all these unknown places that I’ve never seen before, places that I didn’t even comprehend. I had to survive in the face of threats that make no comprehendible sense, I had to fight the tears of the only ones you now know dying in your very own arms. It was rough, and I wish I persisted through it.

Life is not easy, and I know that, just like you will soon. I wish I was prepared for the hardships I had faced. I’ve entered what is called “the Backrooms”, which has different areas that are known as “Levels”. As my life was ripped from my grasp, I found myself in the pale-yellow level, which is the zeroth. I barely gave into insanity. I wish I didn’t accept the anxiety. And I truly wish to not let go of the grip of life, so, do not lose this last chance like me. You do not see anything; you do not hear anything. There is only me, and the rooms. At this point, the walls are key. I tried to make the most of my life and I ran towards a wall. I didn’t stop here, it's not the end yet.

At this point, it’s got much more difficult to live in Level One. At first, I thought it was interesting, as everything was new to me, like a baby in awe of learning something for the first time. I’m glad I embrace the awe because it soon become a living hell. I wish I tried to find help quickly, or because death nearly found me. There is this group of people, known as the “M.E.G.”, and they were willing to help me, and I accepted the kindness, and I want to return it, though it’s too late now. I wish I could have found them as fast as I could because there were “entities” hunting me. I ran because my life depended on it. I wish I made my life matter, it’s too late for me. I lost my family but not my life, I regret not taking care of it. The M.E.G. showed me how to survive, and living was up to me, I didn’t put in the effort. Here is when I found my one and only companion, Joanna. I can trust her with my life, I took her for granted. I made a choice that might not have been the best-but this was my attempt at living my life-I went through a crack in the wall and traveled to Level Nineteen.

Life here starts out strange, but just like the real world, you get used to it, especially with Joanna by my side. Oh Joanna, I miss you, I didn’t want to leave you. I never wanted to do it, so why did you make me? The Orange Glow here does not show your memories, it does not let you relive them, as I thought they might. I already lost my only chance. I didn’t stay in Level Nineteen. I found a broken, and damaged door, then convinced Joanna to enter it with me. I entered Level Twenty. I didn't understand the mistake I made. I didn't realize the regret of this choice. Once decision can really end it all.

Now, we come to the biggest risk. Life is not something to be played with. I took the only exit to this level and the pain of death followed. I wish I truly lived my life. This level is already harsh, though safe. All I can give you is all the luck in the present, which is not much, it's just filled with pain and regret. I wish I got trapped in this level, and it might have been for the better, for all I know.

Here is where my story comes to a close. I have little to live for. I remember you, Joanna. It was not meant to be this way. You weren’t supposed to leave. You wiped my tears, yet you knew. It was not supposed to be your time. All because of my stupid little decision. This is a letter to my past self, so I will tell you what she told me. A quote from Dylan Thomas:

That is what she said to me. As her consciousness faded, and her heart slowed, that is what she told me, as she journeyed to the great beyond. I wish I wasn’t myself. I made these mistakes of a decision. Nothing good came out of it. Now I lie here and wait. As my eyes close, my biggest regret is not listening to her advice. So, I must tell you, my past self. Do not go gentle into that good night.

~ October 19, 1989